The Houseboy

OK...so, I've tried online dating on and off. Generally, I try not to say much about people in my life to respect their privacy, but the following is a conversation with someone I have never met. Please know that there is no identifying information that could allow someone to search for this person on online dating sites. Also, I know ya trolls are gonna jump on me using online dating...go for it.

Houseboy: Hello Ms. X. If you should ever find yourself in need of a free, live-out, part-time, well educated houseboy to do all the menial work in your life...please, by all means, consider me for the positions. I have worked for a professional (profession edited out as possible identifying info) for three years, doing just that. I also do yardwork and windows! Please don't dismiss the concept too quickly. I even have references and police clearance. Thanks so much.

Me (thinking it is a joke): Dear Sir, Thank you for your kind offer. I would most definitely be interested in using your service. Are you able to clean out the eaves on a roof? Please pass along your references, your photos, and any other relevant information. I will also require you to sign the release form for the police clearance. Regards, Ms. X

Houseboy: Thank you so much for responding. I thought you might be somebody who would be able to utilize something such as this to make your life a little bit easier. I would be more than happy to sign the release for the police clearance form. I would need to speak with my references prior to giving out her particulars. I hope that you understand. I would also provide you with my passport, driver's license etc. etc. Yes, I could certainly clean out the eaves. May I ask what, in general, you might need done on a regular basis...As for what I can do: Housework: Detailed, meticulous cleaning. Hardwoods done by hand, grout lines cleaned, appliances inside and out, all corners cleaned, bathrooms detailed etc. etc. I have a very comprehensive list that I can send you if you so wish that another client used. Yardwork: Weeding, cutting, trimming, transplanting. Garage cleaned. Car detailed, not just cleaned. Windows. Painting and general repairs. Etc. etc.

Me (thinking this may not be a joke): Are you really serious? Why would you want to do that? If this is like a submissive/dominant thing, I'm not interested.

Houseboy:Good grief no!!! I am really sorry that you might have misinterpreted it as such. I simply do this on a part time basis because I genuinely like to. I saw that you are an educated, busy person who might benefit from having somebody to do the work that gets in your way from enjoying your life.  I sincerely apologize if you took this offer the wrong way, and if I somehow offended you.

Me: I just thought you had a good sense of humor! Were all of these clients women? In any case, I enjoy housework and yardwork. That is part of living, in my view.

Houseboy: Just because I like doing this doesn't mean I don't have a wonderful sense of humour; and I say that with a great degree of humility! Yes, So-and-So (edited) was still a woman last time I saw her, as we her friends. I simplyhave a different perspective regarding women, and how they should be using their time; I was saddened to read that you enjoy house and yardwork! I don't believe it should necessarily be part of everyone's life.

Me: How should women be using their time?!

Houseboy: That is difficult to answer, as I can only answer for myself and not the gender as a whole. I know how I prefer to spend a portion of my time, and that is liberating a few select women from the work they would rather not do. I have always believed that you follow a path you feel most comfortable following...so rather than just thinking about such concepts I actually try and employ them. I hope that makes sense!

Me: If you like it, why are you surprised that I like it? People forget that we were hunters and gathers. In this hyper-egotisical world, there is joy to be found in doing the basic dirty work of life. I think it is nice to have a man as a partner who shares in household responsibilities and someone who acknowledges the "double day" that burdens many women with jobs and families. But, if you're a single man, I don't see that you are any less burdened by household work than these women. What about your liberation?

Houseboy: To be honest, I believe that typically most people do not want to assume the menial work in life...and I included you in that cohort. I suppose that I am not seeking liberation because that is not part of my thought process or ideology. I don't necessarily feel burdened, and would rather ease the burden of somebody else. The Greeks believed that each individual had his place in the societal structure, and I suppose I believe this as well. As such, I do that which I feel most comfortable doing...witness the offer.

Me: What is your educational background? My problem with the societal structure is that "liberation" for many women here means the exploitation of women in other, marginalized countries. So, tell me: if you find a woman on here that you actually want to date, how do you think she will feel about you now helping out in the homes of women that weren't organic connections but somehow selected off the same dating site?

Houseboy: Degree(s) in blank and blank (edited out possible identifying info). I agree, liberation for some women has meant increasing exploitation for others. As for your last point...it would be awkward indeed, and I do not look forward to crossing such a compromised bridge. I am not sure what I am exactly searching for on this site. I suppose I try and compartmentalize my life and keep the two sides of me separate. I am sure that it is not entirely healthy to do so!

...So, umm, if anyone can explain this to me and help me escape from The Twilight Zone, that would be great.

Comments

[Gigi]

*blink*

Well. There's an enterprising youngster.

Part of me wonders how he managed to twist the standard sales/marketing advice to understand your target market into this approach. And the other part of me is still back there at *blink*

I can SEE the logic at work, and yet, man, what an incredibly bad implementation.

[skdadl]

Down, skdad. Down! ;-)

[skdadl]

Sheesh. I mispled my own handle.

[Polly Jones]

Skdadl, elaborate.

Geeze, I just finished putting in a load of laundry. I swear that for the rest of my life, I'm going to have moments where I think of 'houseboy' with regret.

I mean...if he has a police clearance, why not have "grout lines cleaned" and "bathrooms detailed"???!!!!

[skdadl]

Oh, I'm in love with houseboy, Polly. All day, every time I've walked into my bathroom and looked at my crumbly shower stall, I've been thinking, "There's a hot young man out there somewhere who could DETAIL that shower stall." Wah.

[pamused]

i wonder whether he wears a uniform. or none? whatever - give him my number immediately.

[Polly Jones]

I'm sure you'd have no problem literally whipping him into shape!!!

[RP.]

I remember the first apartment I had with my wife. We found a classified ad on the floor, which the previous owner had clipped. It went like, House boy wanted, perform menial chores in exchange for the privilege of pleasuring your exquisite mistress.

[Miranda]

I just got me a house girl and I must say...it is amazing to come home everyday to a clean house. She also walks my dogs. Getting serviced is definately a plus.