Shame as Social Control

Sometime ago, I had a very upsetting experience when someone I cared about told me not to post personal things on this blog. It was ironic in my eyes, because this person is actively engaged in challenging power structures. I tried to explain to him that it is not sufficient to make theoretical attacks on power structures; we have to live and breathe resistance.

In this is great piece from Barbara Ehrenreich (that I've been meaning to post for sometime), she argues that shame is a form of social control:

I was on a radio call-in show in Minneapolis last week, listening to the callers tell their tales of economic woe: An eight-month job search followed by a job at half the person’s former pay, an 18-month search leading to serious depression, a five-year search leading to nothing at all. During a commercial break, my host – the amiable Jack Rice – noted that almost all these stories were told in the third person, usually as something that had happened to a spouse. Were some of the callers just too embarrassed to own their own stories – too crushed by the shame of layoffs and unemployment?

Shame hangs heavy over the economic landscape: the shame of the newly laid-off, the shame of the chronically poor. It’s easy enough for enlightened members of the comfortable classes to insist there’s no reason for shame: You didn’t bring the layoff down on yourself; you didn’t determine that the maximum wage in your line of work would be in the neighborhood of $8 an hour. Snap out of it, I want to say, blame the economy or its corporate chieftains. Just don’t blame yourself!

But shame is a verb as well as a noun. Almost nobody arrives at shame on their own; there are shamers and shamees. Hester Prynne didn’t pin that scarlet A on her own chest. In fact, it may be wiser to think of shame as a relationship rather than just a feeling: a relationship of domination in which the mocking judgments of the dominant are internalized by the dominated.

Shaming can be a more effective means of social control than force. The peasant who stepped out of line could be derided for daring to question his “betters.” The woman who spoke out against patriarchal restrictions could be dismissed as a harridan or even a slut. It doesn’t always work, of course. In 1994, Dan Quayle and rightwing writer Charles Murray launched an initiative to “re-stigmatize” out-of-wedlock births by restoring the old pejorative term “illegitimate.” But somehow the country wasn’t ready to label millions of babies bastards.

Shame was far more effective in the build-up to welfare reform. Consistently stereotyped as lazy, promiscuous parasites, welfare recipients largely failed to rally in their own defense. I remember talking to a young (white) woman who professed great enthusiasm for draconian forms of welfare reform – only to admit that she herself had been raised on welfare by a beloved and plucky single mother. That’s deeply internalized shame.

The ultimate trick is to make people ashamed of the injuries inflicted upon them. In many cultures, rape renders a woman an unmarriageable pariah. In Pakistan today – one of our more embarrassing “allies” – a woman who brings charges of rape can be punished for “adultery.” Even in America, many women’s first response to sexual harassment or assault is to feel soiled and shamed, as if she had brought the unwanted advances on herself.

Something similar goes on in the case of the laid off and unemployed, thanks to the prevailing Calvinist form of Protestantism, according to which productivity and employment are the source of one’s identity as well as one’s income. Not working? Then what are you? And to put the Calvinist message in crude theological terms: go to hell.

In case anyone fails to feel their full measure of shame over unemployment, there is an entire shame industry to whip them into shape: The career coaches, self-help books, motivational speakers and business gurus who preach that whatever happens to you must be a result of your own “attitude.” Laid off and coming up empty on your job search? You must be too “negative,” and hence attracting negative circumstances into your life. To paraphrase one career coach I encountered during my research for Bait and Switch: We’re not here to talk about the economy or the market; we’re here to talk about you.

Shame is a potent weapon, but it should never be used against the already-injured and aggrieved. Instead, let’s turn it against the aggrievers: Shame on Ford and GM for putting all their eggs in the SUV basket and then laying off thousands. Shame on the CEO’s who make eight-figure incomes while their lowest paid employees trudge between food banks. Shame on Congress for leaving us with an unemployment insurance program that covers only a little more than a third of the laid off.

Everyone else should hold their heads up high.

What are you ashamed of?

Shame is the fuel of oppression. Refuse to deny your personal truths and refuse to be shamed.

When gay and lesbians openly express affection, heteronormativity stumbles. When women acknowledge that sexual and partner violence has been part of their lives, patriarchy trembles. When people claim their right to welfare when the market is failing them, capitalism gasps for air. And, when migrants ask who the real aliens are, the foundations of racism and empire threaten to crumble.

Comments

[Herbinator]

Keep speaking. It is a first step.

The next step is empowered speech. Somehow empowerment must be placed behind the words. For example, if poverty groups were delegated to get together and make all Canada's new Senate appointments then poverty speakers would be empowered.

It is difficult for groups to discover empowerment especially as, in politics (as in relationships), there is much deception.

[pamused]

omigod, this is SO TIMELY! i had a conversation three weeks ago with a close someone who suggested i share too much or cross lines or something on my blog. well, he didn't actually say i share too much, but the innuendo was palpable. it was a bit weird, that conversation, because like your challenger, he is an agitator in his own right. he lobbed me seemingly soft questions, like how do i feel saying "so much" or putting such matter "out there" - not sure if he was couching a sharper challenge or conveying the curiosity of a non-writer/non-blogger who might genuinely want to understand the emotional or intellectual process behind Speaking Truth on a blog. however innocent his motive, it made me feel icky. ehrenreich helps me understand why. i question my own self often enough, thank you very much, not just about how i dare say things or where, but that i think or feel them at all. it would be nice to know that someone so close doesn't wonder about why i do it, or whether it's ok to. shouldn't we all be engaged in one giant beg-in, encouraging everyone around us to speak, express, rant, propose? and if a loved one says something we wouldn't, in a way we wouldn't, shouldn't we hug her instead of dabbling in shame?

[Polly Jones]

Well, it reassures me too to know that someone like you has gone through the same sort of thing. I am sure that to an extent loved ones and friends may question us out of concern and care. But, I don't think any of us can underestimate the ways we are all complicit with silencing, power over, and control.

It hurts so much though when people you care about say something that makes you feel that maybe you should be ashamed. Maybe, they are scared because they can't confront the ways they have been shamed.

I know that a lot of people are uncomfortable with discussion that pushes the boundaries. But, for me, it is the silence that is intolerable.

[RP.]

I know I've come out in favour of shame before, but when I think about it, all I meant was restraint, or discretion. I like reading or hearing about the personal lives of folks, and if I don't, I don't bother reading.

What I find disconcerting are people who don't know what "too much information" is. And I'm not even talking about fine-line stuff, because I'm fine with that, I'm fine with the intimate details of people's lives. What I'm talking about is stuff like complete strangers going on in great detail about their gross medical conditions, or how much their wife irritates them.

You're right that shame is used coercively. Personally I also find it a great motivator, not that I would use it (consciously) to motivate others.